self control

And when we kissed you said my goatee irritated your chin.

Your brown eyes, your green matcha. 
Your brown skin, the greener grass I greater envy.
The greediest glutton lusting for the past you’re on.
The Moon silently gazes at me from the window sill like she knows the timing I’m on.

I sit up, the stitches on my heart have reopened cuz I been moving too fast.
A breeze, her sigh sends a chill down my spine and make the curtains gently dance.
“Now look what you done did baby, lay back down.” 
While she tends to my wounds, in silent tears I begin to drown. 
My breathing skips a beat. 
The playlist I made you been on repeat.
I close my eyes. I’m dozing, I’m dozing, I’m dozing… I’ve dozed.

I slip out unnoticed. Hurry. I don’t got much time.
I fly as fast as I can, the wind tails are just fine.
I’ve memorized the route. No traffic. No clouds. 
From sea to sea I follow your giggling sound
and I can smell your scent the closer I get.
You gave me a kiss that lasted forever, will I ever get over it? 
My sugar honey iced tea, my indigenous dream. 
No, you’re not an idea, you I could easily see 
again.

I’ve made it. 
Inebriated giggles and whispers fill the air of your friend’s home that’s vacant.
I cross my legs and sit still in the darkest corner complacent.
You asked for consent as you sank to your knees on the floor.
Hmm funny that our hearts never did as they jumped out the fourth.
I still brace for impact even though I seen this movie before.
So close that my shadow melts into the living room walls, 
and it ain’t been full since, 
I’m insecure about this.
Is it you or is it the rest of me that I came to visit? 

Sweet nothings, Bitter everythings.
You don’t say, “I love you.”
No, you say something much worse,
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it and I feel like a fool for pretending that this will work 
for me. I just don’t know what to do anymore.” 
I tried to pick you up and hold you but you wanna stay on the floor. 
I tuck my piece, hesitating as I walk toward the door.
Turn to see the look on your face and you repeat, “you really should go.”
I wanna yell at him please don’t, stay and fix what you broke. 
But my Honda civic speeds off into the night and I’m gone.

The room turns blue and I can feel her gaze again. 
I can’t take my eyes off you, she puts her hand on my leg,
“it’s time to go home, baby”, I nod and we leave. 
On our way home, I whisper, “will you take care of her please?”